Christopher Patrick Mullen

Described by the New York Times as “a first rate idiot,” Mr. Mullen was raised by wolves in the wilds of Pennsylvania and was an early victim of an Amish drive-by fruiting. Escaping to Florida on the back of his pet emu, he studied Animal Husbandry at the Ocoee Adult Annex of Valencia Community College until he was caught in the Animal Wifery. He would like to thank his family and friends should he ever have any of those or until the court order is lifted.